[Nettime-bold] Ad Pox

[Bruce Sterling <bruces@well.com>]

From: "futurefeedforward" <fff@futurefeedforward.com>
Date: Mon, 10 Sep 2001 10:26:57 -0700
To: <bruces@well.com>
Subject: Ad Pox Cured by Branded Products



August 31, 2064

Ad Pox Cured by Branded Products

ATLANTA--Officials at the Centers for Disease Control released Wednesday a
set of guidelines for the treatment of ad pox suggesting that consumption of
certain popular consumer products may offer remedial treatment of some of
the disease's symptoms.  "Though we don't yet have a full epidemiological
understanding of ad pox, we have confirmed clinically that use of the listed
products offers at least temporary relief from some symptoms," explains CDC
Director of Home Cures, Dr. Evan Tripe.  "Since these products are already
routinely used by most Americans, we have no concerns about recommending
their use for treatment, even at this early stage in our research."

    CDC reports indicate that as many as 1 in 7 American children between
the ages of 6 and 12 are affected by the disease, while infection rates
among adults have continued to climb, with as many as 1 in 12 expressing
symptoms while an estimated 1 in 5 are infected.  "This disease has spread
with alarming rapidity," notes Dr. Tripe.  "We've known about scattered
cases for years, but because the condition is relatively mild and non-fatal,
we couldn't justify dedicating resources to it.  Now that infection rates
have reached these levels, though, we're taking a serious look."

    Ad pox symptoms include headache, mild nausea, and sporadic, marginal
fever, but the disease is best known for its characteristic sores, blisters
and rashes, commonly thought to take the form of popular advertising logos
and slogans.  "I've had a very itchy outbreak of hives in the shape of the
AOL pyramid thing," explains one sufferer.  "And I can't tell you how many
weeping Nike swooshes and Coca-Cola logos I've been picking at for weeks.
At one point a rash on my thigh clearly said 'You're in Good Hands.'"

    Companies whose logos and slogans have been associated with ad pox
uniformly deny that their products have any connection to the disease.
"This looks to me like the work of a bioterrorist with an axe to grind
against successful American companies," opines Gerri Cracken, McDonald's VP
of Public Information.  "We certainly don't want our brands associated with
skin irritations of any kind.  In fact, we plan to pursue trademark and
copyright claims once the ad pox engineer is identified.  Though, if you ask
me, none of the sores I've seen really look anything like our Golden
Arches."

    CDC guidelines suggest consumers use branded products associated with
the logos and slogans in which they break out.  "It's quite a simple
treatment methodology, and we have noticed significant reductions in
swelling, weeping, and itchiness when it is followed," explains Dr. Tripe.
"People afflicted with lesions they identify as Nike swooshes experience
notable relief while wearing Nike shoes and sportswear.  The same goes for
other sores.  In many cases relief is just a Coke and a Happy Meal away."

    The origins and mechanism of the disease have yet to be understood.
"The fact that the suggested treatment guidelines work suggests that ad pox
may be an unprecedented disease," notes Tripe.  "What symptoms caused by a
conventional infectious vector could be relieved by watching TV?  Well,
that's what happens with the NBC Peacock rashes.  How can using AOL
remediate boils and blisters?  This disease is a challenge to our
understanding of disease itself."

________________________________________

You have received this story as a subscriber to futurefeedforward.

For more stories, visit our archive at
http://futurefeedforward.com/archive2.mv

For a history of the future, visit our timeline at
http://futurefeedforward.com/timeline2.mv

To unscubscribe, visit http://futurefeedforward.com/e_list.mv
____________________________________



_______________________________________________
Nettime-bold mailing list
Nettime-bold@nettime.org
http://www.nettime.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/nettime-bold